Recording the Revision Process: Baby

I wrote a song called "Baby" over the weekend and I thought it might be insightful to record the revision process I went through between the song initially coming out and the final draft, which you can listen to a demo of here for reference.

Here are the lyrics as recorded:

Baby, I think I’m tired
Baby, I think I’ve tried to say that
I can’t stop thinking about
I can’t stop thinking about you

Baby, is it too late?
Baby, am I made to break?
Your heart all over again
It’s so hard just staying a friend

So don’t think it’s true baby
That everything is maybe in my heart

Is it wrong to think I’m wise
I’ve lived too long to be surprised that
I can’t stop hoping now
I can’t stop the way that I’m the way that I’m
Running away from the things that I can’t change
The way I’m trying to feel about half my age

So don’t think it’s true baby
That everything is maybe in my heart
Everything is maybe in my heart

and the form is intro-V1-V2-Riff-Refrain-Riff-V3-extension-Refrain-RepeatedLine-Riff-Outro

In the first verse, I made the following changes:
- 2nd line "tried to tell you" -> changed to "tried to say that" which seemed stronger
- originally the 3rd and 4th lines were just"I can't stop thinking now" twice which was a bit meaningless. I really wanted the song to have an optimistic edge and be more about falling in love than out of love so I added the "you" to "I can't stop thinking about... you" in the 4th line
- originally the verse had a 5th line similar in format to the end of verse 3. I cut it for conciseness.
- I'm still playing with the arrangement, but I opted to add a lower harmony to the 2nd line and a doubled higher harmony to the 3rd line where a piano, vibraphone, and accordion all play sparingly (A guitar and upright bass play from the beginning).

Verse 2:
- The 2nd line was originally "Baby, I think I'm made to break" and the 1st line was "Baby, I think it's late". These felt too weak despite their strong connection to the opening of verse 1. Instead, I used a timeworn strategy and changed them to questions which increased their impact.

Verse 3:
The 4th line was originally "I hope you'll see that I'm too blind to be ... " which I changed to "I can't stop that way that I'm the way that I'm". This meant I could use the repeated initial phrase "I can't stop" in both the 1st and 3rd verses making the 2nd line of the 3rd lead coda-like to the extension which is based on the refrain but adding more resolution (back to the tonic D) as well as a new passing chord sequence (Bm - A). I'm also playing with repetition at several levels - I've always been one to avoid repeating phrases but after working out songs like Company in My Back which is filled with repeats, I thought I'd try and borrow some of Mr. Tweedy's techniques - the held out initial words are similarly inspired by the video of "Sunken treasure" which is the initial point of departure for the song.

Getting Better at writing shorter songs

Like many other songwriters, I think I have my favorite song forms that tend to lurk around in the background of my psyche during the songwriting process. For me, in particular, the one I use the most probably can be thought of this way:

(INTRO)
VERSE 1
VERSE 2
REFRAIN
VERSE 3
BRIDGE
REFRAIN

which is a variant on what Sheila Davis calls 'Verse/Chorus/Bridge' except with 2 verses before the initial chorus or refrain. I've noticed that one of my major role models, the Indigo Girls, also tends to use this form a lot, and when I cover some of their songs which are like this ("Galileo", "Least Complicated", "The Wood Song", "World Falls") I find that a variety of techniques that need to be employed for making the song seem too long: sustaining and building energy, providing contrast in the bridge, bringing in different harmony parts and changing the harmonic background rhythm.

This formal archetype tends to produce songs that are in the 4 - 5 minute range and lately I have been looking to write shorter songs for impact and brevity, so I decided to go back and analyze "Getting Better" by The Beatles which has a form like this:

INTRO MOTIF (distinct rhythm pattern + octaves)
VERSE 1
REFRAIN
VERSE 2
REFRAIN
REFRAIN-CHORUS
BRIDGE > VERSE 3 (half verse)
REFRAIN
REFRAIN-CHORUS (repeat 1st chorus line at end)
OUTRO (repeating rhythm pattern of INTRO)

and all this in 2:40 give or take. The REFRAIN and REFRAIN-CHORUS use essentially the same chords and harmonic rhythm but the CHORUS part adds a true CHORUS on the very 1st line.

This is a pretty neat form with lots of subtle tricks (the end of the 1st refrain contains a few measures with the hand claps that foreshadow that great moment before the BRIDGE where the Sitar comes in).

Lindsay May: Bronze & Blue

Elvis is coming to town. As singer songwriter Lindsay May’s entourage, the miniature apricot poodle, won’t be hitting the stage, but offering behind-the-scenes support as May makes her way through B.C. and Alberta in support of her new album, Bronze & Blue.

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John Cowell blogs on asking questions to improve your lyrics and get people more involved.

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